papilionaceous

Elegi sang patah hati

2011-06-15T23:02:00.001-07:00

Perlahan, ada yang berubah. Cinta yang muncul dalam diam dan tumbuh dalam keheningan. Yang datang bahkan tanpa ia sadari.

Berjalan bersamanya, larut dalam tawa dan semua kelakarnya, limbung dalam senyum dan tatap mata. Bahkan saat jari-jari itu meraihnya, satu hal yang kerap terjadi sejak semula, dan satu bisikan kecil di telinga.. sesuatu di dadanya berdetak lebih cepat dari yang ia duga.

Dan di saat dia semakin terikat dalam semuanya, ia semakin wajar dan sadar akannya..

Hampir putus asa, lalu dia teriakkan ceritanya ke udara, tapi ternyata.... MENGUAP SIA-SIA!

Ia selalu bersama didekatnya, tapi semua telah menjelma menjadi apa yang pernah ia katakan: ANGIN.

Dan ia terlambat menyadari. Saat melihatnya dengan hati, bukan dengan kepentingannya semata baru dia sadar.. Orang yang dicintainya sudah ada di sebrang lautan.

Dan prahara itu benar-benar datang. Menggulung bentang cakrawala, memudarkan bianglala, menarik fajar, dan di kejauhan, bergerak perlahan... bayang-bayang malam.

Dan disinilah dia sekarang.. terseok menghalangi..

Ada yang perlahan berubah. Cinta yang muncul dalam diam dan tumbuh dalam keheningan. Yang datang bahkan tanpa ia sadari.

Terlalu pelan kesadaran itu datang. Dan saat mata hati terbuka, dia sudah menjadi bongkahan es.. Membeku.

So sad but true

2011-03-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

In a million times I have to said that I've been so confused about this. Things which have been happened in a couple of weeks pissed me of. Yet somehow they tried to betray me as I believe I have to keep my head held high. And it's just totally breathtaking to be in between. And you have no idea when it comes to your life. You have to choose, not a thing that you like, but things which can make people around you happy. I asked to myself "Damn! So what's the thing about me? Aint nothing happen I can choose as I love" I might not mentioned what's make me sick these days. But I hope I would be stronger than this. I won't let anyone hurt cause of me. And the hardest thing's when you just gotta hurt them again and again even you've tried so hard and promise to yourself you wont. God, please show me the way, what should I do then?

I hope those words gonna come true to my life. You know that feeling? When you’re just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you’re tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. Have you ever had a day when you thought everything was perfect and nothing could go wrong, then your whole world comes crashing down around you and then you realize not only have you upset up yourself, but others too? And you have to put on a smile and tell everyone your okay.. but there are those friends who know your lying and break down the shields you’ve put up, so that nothing bad could happen to you again, and are there in your time of need but you realize that there are other ways to fixing the problem so you wont have to fake a smile everyday..

beauty isn't always being skinny

2011-02-09T03:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i wish i could be one of those models. With a body which can make everyone whisper "she has a really great body" And sometimes that wish exploded more than anything else in my mind. I can't help of those feelings. As a girl, I wanna be beautiful and skinny one time. But when my confident fall dramatically, I'd be thankful cause God still giving me people that always say "You're beautiful, don't ever try to be thinner. You've got a great body" I know they might be lying sometimes :) But they always try to raise up my spirit. And when I kept complaining about what I have right now, they say "Okay if that's all what you want. Just change the model of your life. BE HEALTHY. NOT TO BE SKINNY" And those words successfully made me quite.

photo by: Freyke Kosakoy

And somehow i realized, as Bruno Mars said, "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE" yesssss.. I got my spirits back, I'm beautiful just the way I am. And I'm happy for who I am. I'm happy to be someone who surrounding by so many great people in my life. Even sometimes haters speaks louder, I still wanna be me. I couldn't choose who I wanna be, but I can change who I will be tomorrow. Thank God for blessing me by so many friends, lovely family, and a boyfriend that I love the most. One of the most influence person in my life who always support me and take me as I am. For everyone who make me stronger day by day. Thank God, for everything..

Don't hope too much

2010-12-10T00:31:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a day when you thought everything was perfect and nothing could go wrong, then your whole world comes crashing down around you and then you realize not only have you upset up yourself, but others too?
And you have to put on a smile and tell everyone your okay.. but there are those friends who know your lying and break down the shields you've put up, so that nothing bad could happen to you again, and are there in your time of need but you realize that there are other ways to fixing the problem so you wont have to fake a smile everyday..

photo by: Freyke Kosakoy

Sometime hope can be a dangerous thing. It leads you to believe that all things possible, and maybe they are not. But you have to believe in something otherwise things seem really hopeless. We've all been there. To hold out hope against all odds. Don't know if that's courage or what. Conviction to do what you need to do, despite the consequences because you know in your heart that its the best thing for you. .

23 DAYS BEFORE HIS DAY

2010-10-31T06:56:00.000-07:00

I took this photos at Singapore when I have a holiday there. And that was the day when I have a fight with my boyfriend. And today it happen again... I'm gonna tell you.

Grey Blazer: Marks and Spencer
Skirt: Forever 21
Black High Heels: Charles and Keith

Oh God.. I'm totally nervous. His day gotta come in about 3 weeks again. I've prepared it for about 6 months. it means a half year to make him happy in his beautiful birthday. I hope he gonna be happy with what I made and what I did. I'll tell you later. And yes today I meet him after another hard 5 weeks. Everything seems so good. We spent our Sunday watched Letters To God. It was really fun til one thing happen in the last hour of our meet. He saw a picture which taken 2 weeks ago. When one of my friend (boy) at school have a birthday. I'm the only one who brought money. So all of my friends borrowed it to bought a cake for that boy. And because of that, we bought that cake by my money, they told me to gave the cake to that boy. And we took some pictures. That's the picture which my boyfriend saw this day. He was jealous with that boy. He thought that who gave and brought a cake into the birthday person must be the special one (re:girlfriend). He was angry.. I know it from his eyes, I don't know what to do for sure. I can't be angry with him, because if i were him, maybe I'll jealous too. But something that make me really sad is.. He haven't know that he's the only one. And I've prepared his birthday for about half years.. Hope he'll know my faith for his birthday. Just wait 3 weeks again.. Wish me luck. Ox

another point of view

2010-08-06T18:46:00.000-07:00

I never see something just by one side of view. Sometimes it's better for us to see a problem by another side. I give you an example from my photos, in those photos I'm not in the same position, either same position. But I do it with various poses, positions, and the state. Similarly, the problems in our lives. Sometimes we can only see things from the negative side, but rarely do we see things from a positive side. We also see that our problem is a big problem, but we often forget that people out there who are far more suffering than we are. However, we remain thankful with what we have. And seeing problems as barriers. I got a lesson from someone that life is a choice. This also happens when we always choose to look at the issue from the bad side, but forget the bright side. in this picture I am showing you that we have many ways of doing things. and see anything, including problems.

I'm also not a perfect person who can always see things from the bright side. but I'm someone who kept trying to change the bad things that I have, including how to see things. sometimes I'd drown, but I did not fall and then remain silent. I often try to emerge from recession. You also know that I'm now in the majors that I didn't want to, schools as well as adjust to the things we don't like it was difficult to resist. but I don't give up, I knew that I could see it as an encouragement and enthusiasm for me.
And i believe someday, it will be happiness for anyone who try and wait it patiently..

crack in the vulcano

2010-07-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

it's been so long i'm not posting something in my blog. lil bit busy at school and also the new grade. by the way, i already join the science class like my dad want me to. at the first time, i can't believe that i have to learn about the science like biology, physics, chemistry, and also mathematics. i'd prefer to learn about economy than four of that. but yeah, once again for my dad's happiness, i have to do something that i never thought. i have to sacrifice myself to make my dad happy.

that's the point that i wanna tell you in here. i have a dream to be a career woman someday, but my dad push me to join the science class. my life is such a crack in the vulcano. almost everyday i talk to my dad about this, i always cry to him. i said that i have a choice. and i'm already mature to know what i really want. but he never try to understand me. he said that science students are better than social students. he know that i can, and i have to. not because he know i want, but his mind told him to lead me to the science. but yeah, day by day i try to learn and become dissolved by his mind. i try to see anything not from my side, but from him side. and now I've success to make him happy. those photos i took in a crack of the mountain. and i hope this kind of experience will make me know that we can't get anything that we want. but we have to see anything from the other side. now i try to love my dad more than before. try to believe that what he choose for me would be the best for my future :)

back to the reality

2010-03-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

sometimes what people can't do is just be thankful of everything that happened in their life. yeah i am maybe one of them. one of the person who never realize that to be thankful is to be believe in hopes and every miracles. you know what? it's just like when always want something and coerce God to do whatever we want. push Him to do everything that we need in this life. hmm, it's a kind of very unthankful person. i know that's really bad and wrong at all. but people absolutely have it. have the nature and the characteristic. we don't mean to push anyone to do whatever we want. but it's not that simple. even we lie to everyone that we don't need anything and we don't wanna announce people around us, we still want it. we still want everything that we need to be true. sometimes i think, that all people should be thankful and grateful. the world will be comfortable. no one is selfish. and there is no argument about something that is not fussy. This is the most important thing. but it is very difficult to live. because every person has a deficiency.

in this picture I want to talk about real life. that we should be grateful for anything. like when we feel alone. we have people around us. so did I, when I really felt very alone, I had a doll named Etoile always there with me. gift from Timmy. I could cry with him and thought he was there. the meaning of his name is 'STAR' in France. Timmy made that name. Do you see? even when you really feel alone. You could have anyone and anything that can always be there for you. when you cry because of falling alone, someone will come and offer assistance to you. because when you feel alone, it does not mean you actually own. then you should be grateful for everything. everything that happens in our lives today is a gift. This is why today called present. be thankful of your life :) then you'll know how valuable is it.

everything on me

2009-12-23T21:31:00.000-08:00

bag: CHARLES and KEITH
oxford shoes : online shop
floral skirt : ZARA
washed jacket : gaudi
white long shirt : ZARA

Hey guys. It’s been 1 month that I didn’t write again in my blog. Hmmm, many stories I want to tell to you .first time I’ve managed to make a surprise for my dear boyfriend, his name is timothy. Then I’m off to Jogjakarta, one of the cities in Indonesia. And I didn’t tell him that I was going home. Although the shock is very easy to guess, he was still happy with what I have dong. Finallu I skipped school. Is the first time in my life I skipped all alone without friends. I was surprise with my self to do it so. But I’m doing this for Timmy. I was so happy when it’s happened. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST TIMMY

The second thing that happens is the largest division of my report book. I was initially very scared with my grades because the competition was so heavy and so makes me tired. But when day of our report book divided, my grades is so great .i really proud. And when I asked my classroom teacher, I got a rating that isn’t bad. Thanks God, cause you give me this miracle. My efforts have not been in vain. i’m so happy. Really happy.

And the last thing most exciting is HOLIDAY ! I am very happy with this end year holidays. We are given time for 2 weeks vacation and a break from all the school fatigue. I finally decided to return to my hometown, as you know that I moved to Jakarta from Balikpapan. But it was a boring little town that sometimes can be missed. Why so like that? Probably because my friends are true was here. I was very happy to be able to go home. Especially in a while we will celebrate Christmas and new year. How happy. And these are some fun things we did after going to a Nia’s birthday party. One of my best friends of all time. ILY guys !

days after summer

2009-11-06T15:28:00.000-08:00

i never realized why my heart was like summer . i want something cool and make my days more meaningful . as before, when me and my friends always share together. now, everything's changing . and i feel really dramed . that's really wrong when i think that i'm gonna be okay here . but actually i don't feel the same . i feel like a blur . like a blur in the summer . doesn't have a meaning . huh . what's going on ? why it was all so lost without trance ? but i didn't want to return to the past . cause i'm scared, when i'm back, that's not again a beautiful past like i felt before . i do i just need my best friends to be okay . but we're separated by the long distance . sometimes it's really not happy to be in this condition. but people have to change to be better, right ? and that's what i have to believe by my self . cause that's nothing can help me except my self .
why i liken my old life with the photographs on this long bridge ? because i think the same, between life seemed a very long time with this bridge. the one hand the course is too far to go through, but on the other hand we must able to survive in a state that always shook us like a big waves .i believe, that all things there must be some good sides and bad sides . how tired my life now, i must still believe that there is good behind all this. and i have to start learning to accept and live them all. though i don't have best friends like that i get in my hometown used to. that's called life . we must dare to change to get something much better than the past . though we see the past better than now, but we must keep trying to survive. because one day we will face in the position where we must accept all the things even we hate that . .

never stop reading

2009-10-03T16:44:00.001-07:00

high waist short - msp
yellow cardigan - buy at bandung
t-shirt - amild store
red shoes - VINCCI
leather bag

Im agree when someone said that reading is the most difficult to do in this time . you know why ? sometimes, people don’t that interest with reading . that’s the way you jumped your self into the stupidity . cause the best thing to do in this life’s when we like to read a book . maybe this time that’s many place to find some history to read . like in internet, in the public facility, and many more .
But we have to remember, reading a book is so functional for us . we can read it sometimes again, and also a book give more information than at the public facility . when we like to read, it means that we ready to see the world . ready to know and learn something from a book . no matter what kind of book is that .
I’ve reading a book few months ago . and it's tell about the story of two heart that devide by the time and condition . in that book, I learn how to be a strong person . how to bless of many thing that God done to us . . maybe you think it’s a little thing . but I get it from read a book . the title is “galaksi kinanthi” . I love this book so much . and when I read it, I see how strong someone to faith for the reality .
Anything you wanna do this day, start from read something . don’t mind where do you read that . just read . it will be something for you in your future . so, try to love read from now .

can i get the way for my problem ?

2009-09-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

leopard hoodie cardigan: zara
black t-shirt: details
jeans shorts: gaudi
shoes: converse

some days ago, me and my new friend went to LAPIAZZA . we don't have a plan to hunt . but manda want to try her new camera . so i being a model for her . it's so long time that i don't taking some picture and hunting with my friends . actually i feel thankfully cause in my new current town, jakarta, i still can take a photosession for this blog . PAPILIONACEOUS . that i love so much . haha . then, me and manda feel so bored of this place . we decide to go to Sour Sally and still can't enough to take a photos from our camera . hahahaha . it's kind of narcizm .

oh yeah by the way, it's long time for me to not post something here, cause i get in trouble .
i know that's like a roller coaster about me and my boyfriend relationship . and now we're under . i don't know but it's kind of hard that we decide to still together . that's something wrong with my self maybe ? i just can do like what i did yesterday for him . . i don't know why .
give me waayyyyyyy all . . .

I'M BACK !

2009-08-17T05:34:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVELY INDONESIA !

heels: calliope
polka dress
blazer : MANGO

oh my God, i'm so sorry all . i'm late to post something new ! it's just a little time to spend for write in my blog . i really miss you guys . and miss all the comments .

but now i want to post something now . today is INDONESIAN INDEPENDENCE DAY . you have to believe in me that indonesia is the most beautiful country .

maybe someday you all have to go here . i want to show you how proud i am to become a part of indonesia . everything ! everything here so much good . thanks for keep watch my blog .

well yeah, i'm moving to Jakarta . it's been more than one month . at first, i really miss my old life . miss my parent, family, friends, the city, and all . but now i have to believe that i must going on this life . so now i'm back as the NEW ISSYE with the old good things in my self . keep rockin guys

culture

2009-06-28T23:43:00.000-07:00

the second post i write about my country . i don't know why i like this topics . but i do i love Indonesia . let me tell you, people who have met me say that i'm not look like have a chinese blood . some people said that i'm totally indonesian . and the others said i'm look like an Indian . but i'm not . i'm not that indonesian and i don't have indiand's blood . that's so many cultural in indonesia, my lovely country . Indonesia have many language, many kind people, and so many beautiful place that you have to know . so I do, i care of Indonesia .never give up, my lovely country .

dress : Indian Clothes
shoes: -
headband : buy at Bali
leather bag : Berre
book : the historian by elizabeth kostova

twitter

2009-06-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

http://twitter.com/issyemargaretha

please follow me on my twitter . i'm a new member there . kiss :))

i will miss you a lot

2009-06-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

this day me and the other peson of six tigers accompany aour best friend to the airport . her name is caroline . she have move to surabaya to continue her study in senior high school . we are best friends for so long . from we're in elementary school . i never think that's to hard to let her go . she's one of the best friend i ever have . i always divide anything with her . enjoys everyday to meet her . and do something that even that's not important . but now everything's changing, she's gone and leave us . also her life in this city . and that's what will happen to me 2 weeks again .

i will never forget our friendship . cause from her and all my best friends i learn many things . this isn't the end for me . i don't feel like i lost my best friend, i just think that she's gone for a while . and we will meet again someday . never say goodbye but see you later . cause i believe, how long we're not together and we live in the far distance, our friendship will never end by the time . i do believe !

taken by caroline claudia

the moment when i with her, the moment when i found my best friend

time always move on

2009-06-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry that i'm late to post something on my blog . haha . i just bussy with all my friends . not that a long time we will say goodbye to each other . i'm gonna moving . and that's what they will do . half still stayed in here . and i think we have to spend our time much more together . so i leave my blog for a while . but don't worrryyyyy, cause i miss to write . and miss my lovely papilionaceous too . hahaha . today i'm going to the cinema . and this is what i wear :

chocolate blazer - international tailor

leopard top - batik solo
legging- Bandung

you know why i must spend my time with my best friends here as long as i can ? it's because i believe that we can't back to the past . what was happened will not happen again in our future . maybe it's a little same stories . but not at all . i love my life here . i always ask to my own self, what would my life like there in jakarta ? i'm afraid it can be more beautiful than here . but one of my friend told me "you have to let your life like a water . don't think so far about your future . and always do your best now!" . she's absolutelly right .
i know that we can't back to the past . so, what we have to do is let our life walk with time . do the best that you can do . and you'll now how beautiful is your life .

still waiting in the dark night

2009-05-21T03:39:00.000-07:00

loose shirt - MARKS and SPENCER
black flats - VINCCI
bag - buy at Bandung

i'm waiting for 1 July this year . i really really miss my boyfriend . but one thing i can do is still waiting for that time that we can meet each other again . i wanna go to my HIGH SCHOOL in jakarta . i can't meet him for about six month . i miss him so much . so i decided to be easy going while i'm wait for that time . i'm hang out with all my friends . yeah, all day no except . maybe i live in this little town . but i can do many things with them . especially felicia and caroline . everyday we hang out don't matter how confused we choose place to hang out with . hahaha . not because it's too many place . but because we have no place . we're a type of person that really easy to get bored . me and felic get a choice to have a long night in olin's house . so i get my camera . take a photoshoot . and get a bed after that . ohhh how tired .

i love green when it met my pink

2009-05-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

top:n.y.L.a
skirt: ZARA
sneakers boots shoes: CONVERSE

i know all of you know about the global warm . the root cause the big pollution in this world that going increase day by day . i don't know exactly how many people still don't care about this . but i do care . i really care cause if you see at my picture, you can look at the green garden . is it not that beautiful ? and imagine that if the park's colour is not green . but it's so many trash there, and a very dark air around . oh, i really sad i can't imagine how it would be like .so, it's our choice . to still don't care about it, or move to get the better place . cause i know my town is gonna be those kind of a bad city . and from a little city someday it's not a magic if our world going bad bad bad and broken with all inside . we are the one who can handle it . if we all want to build a big coorporation of us, i believe too someday we can change the world and make it better place for us . for our generation next .

LET'S CHANGE THE WORLD GUYS . LET WE MAKE THIS WORLD GONNA BE BETTER and always believe that it could be . STOP TO GLOBAL WARMING !

life not that black and white

2009-05-08T05:54:00.000-07:00

taken by: andy ramadhian

sometimes we have to find the other suggestion from the sky . every evening i'm going out my home, i can see the different sky colour day by day . i know it's kind of beauty . God gave us that beautifullness so we can make it more and more beautiful . as it usefull for our life too . without that beauty of the sky, we can't see how much color of our life . it's not just black and white in everyside . but we have many color make our life is cool and very extraordinary . like this example, today i have fixed all me and my besties problem . we fix all until it clear . in from that conversation, i know something wrong with me . i became a bluffer . and that's the highest step of arrogantness in my self . they tell me that, and i can't restrain my self . i'm cry and they tell me why they don't tell it from the first time . they want all the best for me . so, they remind me to be the old Issye . i know something wrong with me, and it's not good . i feel my self became someone who isn't my self at all . and i want it back . so know, i can take a place in front of the mirorr . and i'll try the hardest thing so i can return my self to the old me . i won't boasting of all what i got in my life . cause without them, i'm nothing .

taken by: andy ramadhian

taken by: dini rama sarie

do you know how is it can be connected between this photoshot and color of life? i wanna tell you now that life isn't just black and white . that's blue, chocolate, pink, and the others . that's the same with my personal life . i just no have the happy side at all . but that's sadness and the mistaken of my life . that's what friends are for . they're there cause they have to admonish us to be better day by day .

park and the black white stuff

2009-05-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

taken by: felicia laurent
edited by: issye margaretha kamal

oh . how it feel so that boring ? i hate this time . i try to do something different and make me fun . but i have no idea . so i decide to pick up my best friend and said what i'm going to do . she's ok . and she captured some photos of me . for my blog around the Montreal park . fashion is about attitude too . with anything that we have to wear . i can feel the inspiration of fashion in my blood when i walking and feel so much air in the park . when you want to be a trendsetter, never go out of your house with a cool stuff . with a very good wardrobe . because people gonna look at you, people will see what you wear at first, and people gonna make them personal points with your self at first in the 1'st imperession .

shoes-black CONVERSE
ballet dress- Yellowline
vest- buy at Holland
black legging- Buy at Bandung
headband- buy at Bali
bracellet- Timmy's and Issye's

now, will you join me to the park and take a lot of pictures ? wow . i need more friends and always more everyday :)

my lovely job, majoret

2009-05-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

hey all . i wanna show you something . we have to love what we can do . actually, i love to play the flag stick so much . and after it, i decided to get my self in one of my school's extracuricullar . people call it MARCHING BAND . the second step of drum band . at my school , that's a lot of people interested in at first . but day by day, people are getting tired . it's just a half from the first time they came to joined . and it's really surprising when the choose me as a leader and play with that MAJORET STICK . at first, i think that's really hard . but i try my best . these are some photos of the last performance of our marching band . it's been so long since i'm getting there . and now, all my job have finished .

my partner : felicia laurent, caroline claudia, nathania putri

see ? people there are very admiration . they think that our performance are astonish . oh, thanks God for helping me do this job . and people who quit before the time, i really sorry cause you all can't get the sertificate . and for all people at Saint Michael marching band group, i proud of you all . we've do the best as good as we can . i'm gonna miss you guys .

those camera, and those perfection

2009-04-23T03:32:00.000-07:00

taken by: gazali rahman
edited by: rasita petrasari

taken by: gazali rahman

edited by: freyke kosakoy
model: issye margaretha kamal (me), indah widayanti

i think we can see the different of the photographers and editers view side .
both of them are taken by the same photographer (man) .
but, the editers was different . at the first photo it's edited by (woman) and the second photo edited by (man) .
that's what i want to tell you all . that every people has the different view side .
the different personality and the different appetite .
the universe and God give us our destiny . we have no choise . but remember, that we have a chance to make our self better day by day .

p.s: for me, THE PERFECTION IS BORING .

meet me, INDONESIA

2009-04-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

BATIK dress -buy from my sister
gladiator sandals - unbranded
bag - pasar impres balikpapan
neckle - orange
sunglasess - wayfarer rayban

meet me indonesia . this is the time i want to show you the pattern of indonesian culture . it called "BATIK" . you can find batik in a half of indonesia . cause batik is the face of indonesian . i love this batik dress so much . so, i'm hang out and taking this picture with my lovely friends . felicia and caroline . we love fashion . and i want to be different with batik dress . you know, if we love our country, we will see how special is it . i love my country so much ! and when i feel it , now i can found deep inside indonesia . how special indonesia . and how much i really proud to born here in indonesia. i hope you will always love your country :) and especially it coulture and the unique of it .

and how it can be so long ?

2009-04-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

tshirt- Bali, red shorts-fashion hub mkg, bag-Berre, simple gladiator sandals- vincci(VNC)

i love forest so much . i love green, i love tree and everything in this world . but now, what i have supposed to do to save the forest and the earth ? look at my picture and see where i sit . it's a big tree that cutting by some people . and they burn it up . i really sad . i hope everyone in this world know that the forest is very usefull for our life . so, can you help me to save yours too ?

you have to vote

2009-04-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

headband-handmade, pink shirt-a mild store, checked dress-vintage, red shoes-vincci

sometimes we should do seomething for our life . we have to choose . and this day is the the national election day . you know ? i really really want to give my voice . but i can't because my age isn't enough . 17 until . . . . i'm not that old . so, i decide to take this photoshoot with RED for my country . your voice is very important for indonesia . .

kebahagiaan

2009-04-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

siapa dari mereka yang tidak dapat hidup dari kebahagiaan,
merekalah yang kalah .
seorang pemenang kalah dan tak bisa menerima hidup apa adanya .
andai saja semua orang di dunia ini selalu mencoba untuk lebih bersyukur,
maka dunia ini pasti akan terlihat lebih sempurna .
seharusnya, segala hal yang kita alami dan kita nikmati selalu menjadi kebahagiaan tersendiri untuk kita .
apapun yang kita rasakan, bagaimanapun perihnya kehidupan,
itu yang harus kita terima .
kita ga bisa hidup di dunia ini dengan segala kesempurnaan,
karna kalo kita udah ngerasa sempurna, kita ga akan pernah bisa berbagi dengan orang lain .
kita semua memang hidup dalam kelemahan dan kelebihan masing-masing .
namum disanalah letak kebahagiaan sesungguhnya,
yaitu jika kita bisa lebih membuka mata untuk melihat betapa berharganya hidup kita . . .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISSYE !

2009-03-29T02:14:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISSYE !

huaa . . this is 3 days after my birthday party .
aku pengen cerita nih tentang birthday aku .
awalnya aku fikir ga ada 1 orangpun yang peduli sama ulang tahun aku .
tapi ternyata temen2 aku ngerjain . thanks banget yaa :
yang pertama, mereka bikin rencana dan gunain roro sbg alatnya . jadi ceritanya roro usahain banget dateng ke ulangtahun brain, tapi ga peduli sama ulang tahun aku .
jujur aja aku pasti marah lah, roro kan sahabat aku.
trus yang kedua, janett tiba2 marah . dan dia dateng ke ulangtahun aku dengan tampang yang sangat2 ngeBTin . aku sempet sedih beberapa hari . huaaaa :( jujur aja nangis sih hehehe .
yang ketiga, lilin ulang tahun aku ga bisa mati . alias magic .
dan yang keempat, aku DICEBURIN KE KOLAM !
gila . this such a very best birthdayfor me . thanks all .
thanks to my mom too that give me the ring at 12 o'clock in the night .
i love you mom .
and for timmy , gila surprised lo gila banget ! sumpah gw kaget banget ! ga bisa bayangin apa yang gw inginkan slama ini bs tercapai di tangan lo . makasii ya sayaaaaannnnggg :))
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MUCH . and sorry guys that before i said nothing's care of me !
love you ...

hilang

2009-03-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

dimana gw bisa nemuin lo yang dulu ?
gw bener-bener ga punya ide buat itu .
something lost from us . and i'm not understand what is this .
sbntar lagi gw ulang tahun, apa harus ini yang gw dapet ?
kenapa hubungan gw sama lo makin terasa berat kaya gini ?
gw ga pengen nyerah .
sama sekali ga punya pikiran buat nyerah .
gw ga ngerti apa yang terjadi dengan kita .
kesibukan lo, kehidupan lo yang ga pernah berhenti .
dan gw tau, didalem itu semua . . gw susah banget buat masuk .
gw ga pernah minta seluruh waktu lo buat gw .
gw cuma minta serpihan sisa-sisa waktu lo,
sedikit aja lo luangin buat gw .
i know that's something wrong with us .
gw nunggu lo . . selalu nunggu lo pulang tiap malem .
dan gw ga pernah ngeluh kalo hubungan kita cuma bisa sebatas telfon dan sms .
gw yakin gw bisa ngejalanin hubungan kaya gini .
bertahan untuk beberapa bulan, ga jadi masalah buat gw .
gw usahain semua yang terbaik .
gw usahain apapun yang gw bisa cuma untuk lo .
gw berusaha . . ngeredam semua rasa marah gw ke lo .
ngesampingin ego gw buat tetep bisa sama lo .
lo selalu jadi raja di hati gw .
lo ga pernah berhenti gw puja di hadapan temen2 gw .
gw juga selalu berusaha tertawa buat lo .
walaupun lo ga tau seberapa sakit hati gw .
dan sekarang gw ngerti kenapa bisa jadi kaya gini ..
itu semua karna gw ga bisa ngerti lo 100% .
gw kangen lo . .

what a very bad day

2009-03-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

oh my god ! so much i hate this day .
at first, i'm forget to bring my book for indonesian, i must bring the book with the index inside .
second,i'm very tired . very sleepy . so i sleep again in the classroom !
third, for the saturday nite we have a plan . we gonna go to egha's house cause his parents isn't at home .and we want to do different things from the last satnite . but, someone's getting so angry. she's felicia . just a little mistake . but she mad to me,okta,edo,egha, and i don't know sure who's again . .
fourth,i find my room with the new wrong painting ! oh my God, this is so bad ! for 3 months i have to enjoy this color. before this, i'm thinking about an idea . to painting my room so it can look cool ! but now it act like fool ! argggggghhhhhhhh . . . . .
fifth, my lovely man isn't beside me . and i miss him so much .

so, what i have supposed to do now ?

soulmate

2009-03-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

"i was dumped. What did i do wrong ? apakah dia sungguh bahagia ? apakah dia memikirkan aku ? tentang hal yang dia tinggalkan bersama asa. sedetik saja dalam hidupnya untuk mengenang cerita lama ? atau . . . baik-baik sajakah hidupnya ? tanpa dipusingkan argumen-argumenku, idealismeku, atau cintaku yang meledak-ledak, posesif, dan berbahaya ?
atau.. sudah hilangkah aku dari ingatannya ? hanya sepotong kisah lama yang sudah tidak ada artinya lagi ? tentang gadis bodoh yang terlalu berharap pada mimpi, yang terlalu percaya cinta bisa menyatukan perbedaan, yang terlalu yakin cinta pasti menjanjikan kesetiaan . entahlah ...

Kamu Dimana ?
"Kamu pernah janjikan langit vanilla. serta hangatnya mentari menjelang senja. pernah juga kamu bilang kan selalu ada . di setiap helaan napas dan kedipan mata. janjimu, hanya ada tawa, bahagia . serta hujanan kata-kata cinta. Hari ini, malamku hitam . Jiwaku kelam .Kamu dimana ?"

"aku bosan.. bertanya pada diri sendiri.. pertanyaan yang sama. nada yang sama. kecepatan yang sama... pengucapan yang sama... jawaban yang tidak pernah ada. apakah aku nyata?"

"jangan dulu lelah. jangan dulu patah. jangan dulu menyerah. selalu ada cinta di ujung jalan. menanti untuk ditemukan. bagi siapa saja, yang tidak pernah kehilangan harapan, bagi siapa saja, yang mencoba untuk bertahan.

"kebenaran itu seperti terang, menelanjangi setiap sudut kegelapan, membuka setiap cadar kebohongan,dan menertawakan setiap wajah kemunafikan."

Forbidden Love
"kau pria asing yang memasuki hidupku datang dari negri subur berlimpah madu dan susu kautawarkan sejuta asa yang tidak pernah ku tahu.
Tuhanku memang tidak mengenal dirimu, dewamu pun mungkin membenci diriku.
tapi untuk rasa nikmat yang begitu memburu, tidak relakah kau meninggalkan sayapmu dan selami indahnya arti mencumbu?"

"aku memang sudah diperingatkan akan bahayanya cinta . tentang buihnya yang memabukkan . pesonanya yang membuat kecanduan atau racunnya yang bisa mematikan . cinta hanya akan membuatku pingsan atau mungkin sedikit lupa ingatan . Tapi siapa bilang aku mau mati muda?"

Bila
"bila suatu saat kau terjaga dalam tidurmu
mungkin ku tak lebih dari betina pemuas angan-angan bocahmu
kuncup pertama titik awal semua berahimu.
bila kau terbangun nanti
milikku mungkin tak pernah jadi bagian mimpi,
apalagi obsesimu
geliatku, riakku, dan getarku pun
mungkin hanya kaupandang jemu
bila kau tersadar nanti
kau pun tak pernah inginkanku
jadi puncuk semua cikalmu
perempuan pertama yang kau jemput dari malam basahmu"

"pernah nggak merasa.. berada di tempat gelap nan luas
melayang-layang tanpa arah. tanpa tempat untuk berpijak. merasa kecil, gelap, tanpa cahaya setitikpun. aku pernah.... dan karenanya aku takut menutup mata. takut mimpi itu kembali lagi. takut benar-benar tidak bisa menemukan arah. takut tersesat dalam kegelapan itu. takut ternyata benar-benar nggak bisa lagi membuka mata. tidak bisa kembali pulang. menemukan cahaya menyilaukan dari kamarku. tidak bisa lagi menikmati indahnya senja di pinggir pantai.. kenapa harus mimpi itu lagi?"

lelah

2009-03-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

hari ini gw keliling . ngunjungin OPEN HOUSE, BLUE SKY HOTEL, OCEAN . buat nyari tempat yang asik untuk ulang tahun gw yang ke 15 . untung banget gw punya sahabat-sahabat kaya olin dan felic . yang siap nemenin gw kapanpun dan kemanapun . huhhh, pilihan terbesar gw sih di swimming pool blue sky atau di open house . tapo gw harus ngebicarain bareng nyokap bokap gw dulu nih . huaaaa x) umur baru . ga terasa ya . oia, tadi pas gw lagi di ocean , tiba2 ada orang filippine yang ngajak kenalan . yah, gpp sih buat kenal . tapi kata felic dan olin, keliatan banget dia paling tertarik sama gw . dia bilang " i think you're beautiful " ah gila ! gombal cowok banget tuh .

yah, orang2 baru datang silih berganti dalam kehidupan gw, saat orang yang lagi gw sayang ga bisa ada di sisi gw . tapi bertempat di hati orang lain . kadang hidup ga sejalan dengan apa yang kita inginkan . .

"kau tidak akan pernah bisa memahami seseorang hingga kau melihat segala sesuatu dari sudut pandangnya .. hingga kau menyusup ke balik kulitnya dan menjalani hidup dengan caranya"

-HARPER LEE, to kill a mocking bird-

ga semudah itu ngejalanin cinta yang sebenarnya . dan ga semudah itu bertindak seperti layaknya kita berbicara bahwa kita akan mengerti orang itu, melalui segala sisi kehidupannya . JENGAH !

minder

2009-03-11T02:45:00.000-07:00

semua orang pasti punya kadar rasa minder dalam dirinya masing-masing .
itu yang gw rasain sekarang .
gw ngerasa sekarang dunia ngetawain gw, bahkan orang-orang disekeliling gw yang udah gw anggep sahabat .
gw tau ga semua orang punya kelebihan yang sama .
gw juga tau bahwa di dunia ini masih banyak banget hal-hal yang bisa kita lakuin selain mikirin apa kekurangan kita .
tapi kalo lo ga pernah ngerasain minder yang amat sangat kaya yang gw rasain, mendingan jangan dlanjutin ngebaca ini .
yeah, people who act good in front of you, just laugh out the loud for you
for anything that you didn't have from them
gw pengen banget marah . tapi gw tau diri . gw mikir bahwa semua yang mereka cela,
semua yang mereka hina adalah kenyataan
adalah sesuatu di diri gw yang ga bakal pernah bisa jadi sempurna
apalagi kalo lo hidup diantara orang-orang yang fisiccly is good at all . lo bakal ngerasain hal yang sama kaya gw
"don't look at me just from that side . look at me and see what i have to do with my shortage"
you know, i really really want to shouted at them like what i write
tapi ga semua orang punya pandangan yang sama .
this is not about good-or not . but this is about un-perfectlly person .
gw ga tau kenapa tiba2 gw bisa ngerasain minder yang sebegitu hebatnya dalam diri gw .
gw ngerasa ini udah keterlaluan dan gw pengen berhenti . gw pengen sesekali gw ngerasa bahwa apa yang gw miliki adalah yang terbaik buat hidup gw .
tapi kadang hidup ga sejalan, dan kadang ga ada satupun orang disekeliling lo yang tau bahwa memiliki kekurangan itu menyedihkan .
gw pengen banget bisa kaya orang-orang di luar sana .
yang bahagia walaupun mereka ga sempurna,
yang bisa ketawa dan ga pernah sekalipun nangis karna kekurangan yang mereka miliki .
itu yang pengen gw rasain .
apapun dalam hidup gw , sesuatu yang gw cari sampai sekarang dan ga pernah gw temuin adalah ...
RASA SYUKUR SEPENUHNYA ATAS APA YANG GW MILIKI SEKARANG . .

gogirl! 49/februari 2009
STOP MINDER
change your view: believe it or not, rasa minder berlebihan bahkan bisa dirasakan
oleh seseorang yang keadaannya nyaris sempurna. cantik, baik, pintar, dan berada,
tapi tetep aja ngerasa not good enough, not interasting enough.
Ini terjadi karena dia cuma fokus sama kekurangan-kekurangan diri,
dan sama sekali mengabaikan kelebihannya. maka itu ubah sudut pandang kamu dalam melihat diri sendiri.
Kalau perlu tulis note berisi list kelebihan dan bakat kamu. Tulis dengan jujur !
Nggak dosa ko menulis fakta positif tentang diri sendiri. Lalu abaikan atau anggap
enteng segala kekurangan kamu. Bukan berasal dari keluarga kaya, nggak punya badan kurus,
atau wajah yang cantik ? Those are nothing jika dibandingkan dengan potensi yang bisa kamu raih
dengan fokus pada kelebihan kamu .

setelah menangisi kekurangan yang gw punya, entah kenapa hati gw bener2 tergerak buat ngebuka lagi majalan itu .
dan yang gw temuin pertama kali adalah artikel mengenai rasa minder,
sumpah gw emang ga pengen ngerasain apa yang tertulis di dalem sana
tapi susah bagi gw buat ngelupain kekurangan gw yang ga bisa dibenahi lagi .
apalagi kekurangan yang lo rasain tentang fisik lo.
ngejalanin hari-hari dengan begitu gampangnya dan begitu santainya, itu ga mudah buat gw .
apalagi disaat ga ada 1 orangpun yang ngerti kenapa lo ga bs bersyukur
karna mereka udh ngerasa puas dengan apa yang mereka miliki .
dan bahagia kalo udah puas menertawakan kekurangan lain yang dimiliki oleh seseorang . .
but the thing i can do is, get the step and move on without them sucks words in your mind !

p.s:
gw cuma pengen ngasih tau lo semua, bahwa hidup itu ada diantara ketidaksempurnaan . jadi kita harus lebih yakin dan percaya dengan apapun yang ada di diri kita . don't give up guys !

long saturday nite

2009-03-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

haloooo . . udh hari senin nih . dan hari senin ini libur, asikkk . haha . makanya gw nyempetin diri buat cerita tentang saturday nite gw kemaren ke lo semua . rencana karaokean udah kita susun dari 3 hari yang lalu . perkiraan gw yang dateng 10 orangan . ternyata gw baru dapet kabar kalo sylvester masuk rumah sakit . dan stephanie berantem sama andi ( sabar ya we . . i always support you ) . ga nyangka juga kan kalo yang dateng ternyata cuma gw, felic, olin, okta, egha, sama andi . sebelum karokean, gw sama felic ke rumah olin . dari jam 1 nunggu . gila . yaudah akhirnya kita mutusin buat nonton . jadilah film action aneh yang ga ada actionnya kita tonton . hahaha . judulnya HUNTING PARTY . beberapa menit sebelum filmnya habis, timmy sms gw . mungkin karna bawaan dapet akhirnya gw marah2 gt ke dia . dan yang bikin gw ga enak, ternyata semuanya salah gw . salah gw karna terlalu sibuk mikirin temen2 gw dan akhirnya ga peduliin dia . maaf ya sayaaanngg . tapi sekarang masalahnya udah selesai ko . gw sayang banget sama dia . . .

lanjut ke cerita awal, hehehe . akhirnya si octavianus elnandus kandaw a.k.a okta mesen royal suite room . ruangan paling besar yang bisa nampung 25 orang . hahaha . sayang banget kita kurang rame . jadi ya patungan deh buat bayar harga ruangan yang lumayan mahal . tapi gw puas banget ko bisa nyanyi 2 jaman gitu . dapet free pass lagi . asiik ! hehe .
jarang2 loh kita bisa having fun dan pulang malem kaya gini . maklum, si olin selalu takut katanya . ntar dimarahin nyokap lah,- ini itu . pulang aja kita sampe diajakin okta muter2 nganterin anak2 gara2 olin takut pulang kemaleman . hahaha . tapi ga apa2 deh . terbayarkan sama satnite kali ini . kapan nih pada mau nyanyi lagi ? SING YEAH NA NA NA NA NA . .hahaha .

my bff alwys in my heart

2009-03-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

six tigers . yah, itu nama yang dikasih anak-anak buat manggil keseluruhan dari kita ber-enam . awal persahabatan ini dimulai dengan sebegitu rumitnya . hahaha x) waktu kelas 1 SMP (sekitar tahun 2007) , nia sekelas dan deket sama olin yaitu kelas 7b . terus gw sekelas dan deket sama felic yaitu kelas 7c . terussss, janett deket sama roro yaitu kelas 7d . huhh, kita semua awalnya ga deket . tapi waktu kelas 2 gw sama janett sekelas dan ngebuat kita deket, begitu juga nia-roro-felic . kalo si olin, gw ga tau deh dia nyasar kemana . hahaha x) intinya sekarang kita semua deket .
gw sayang banget sama mereka, selama gw hidup 15 tahun ini, gw ga pernah nemuin temen2 sekolah sampe sedeket mereka . itu yang ngebuat gw sedih banget untuk pisah sama mereka, gw emang pengen banget ninggalin masa SMP gw dan lanjut ke masa-masa SMA yang kata orang-orang masa paling indah . tapi jujur gw ga mau banget jauh dari mereka ber5 . gw sayang mereka . . walaupun sekarang lagi ada masalah yang ngebuat kita semua hampir jauh . tapi gw cuma bisa berdoa sama Tuhan semoga aja semua masalah yang kita alamin bisa selesai, dan kita bisa balik kaya dulu . this is us :

(caroline claudia oey, elizabeth issye margaretha kamal, janette anastacia maria warokka, roro jesicca ginting, brigitta felicia laurent, nathania putri isnandar)

ga bisa ngebayangin ga sampe 4 bulan lagi kita bakal berjauhan . tapi berjauhan bukan berarti kita bakal ngelepas persahabatan kita gitu aja . gw sama nia bakal pindah ke jakarta . sedangkan olin bakal pindah ke surabaya . roro, janett, dan felic bakal tetep di sini . tapi mereka bakal beda-beda sekolah . karna lucunya, felic benci banget sama SMAN 1(sma yg katenye paling favorit disini) hahaha . yah, ga penting lah satu sekolah ato ngga . tapi gw berharap bisa terus ngebina persahabatan ini.

tak mudah untuk kita hadapi perbedaan yang berarti .
tak mudah untuk kita lewati rintangan silih berganti.
engkau masih berdiri, kita masih disini .
tunjukkan pada dunia, arti sahabat .
engkau teman sehati, kita teman sejati .
hadapilah dunia . . genggam tanganku . .

thanks guys . thanks for being in my life . and thanks for all the time that we spent together . i will never forget our friendship . maybe time can be different . maybe we must go on . but it doesn't mean that world can stop us to loving each other as BEST FRIEND x)

first i want to say

2009-03-08T03:57:00.000-07:00

this is the first time i use my blog . hal pertama yang ada di fikiran gw adalah ngupload ni foto . hehe x) ga tau kenapa tapi gw pengen banget share sama kalian semua .

dulu gw ga pernah sedikitpun percaya sama apa yang dinamain "cinta" dari satu orang ke orang yang lain . yang gw tau adalah bahwa apa yg orang bilang tentang cinta itu selalu berakhir dengan satu pilihan, yaitu perpisahan . gw sendiri ga pernah sadar, bahwa orang yang selama ini gw cari ternyata ada di sisi gw . dan sekarang gw belajar untuk percaya, percaya bahwa ga semua hal diliat dari idealisme . eheemm, sok banget deh gw . hahaha . yang jelas sekarang gw udah terlanjur sayang banget sama ni orang . namanya timmy . yah singkatan dari TIMOTHY KURNIAWAN hahaha . oia, tau ga ? kalo pertemuan pertama gw sama dia ga enak banget deh . pertama kali gw ketemu dia, gw harus kabur dari bokap nyokap gw dan berakhir di taman menteng (sambil kepedesan makan siomay) hahahaha . tapi yang selalu gw inget, setiap hal yang terjadi dalam hidup gw pasti punya maksud tersendiri . gw ga pernah nyesel dipertemukan pertama kali dengan berkorban setengah hidup . jantung gw mau copot waktu harus nyari celah buat kabur dari keluarga gw . kolam renang HOTEL FOUR SEASON,jakarta . yap, disitu tempat gw nentuin pilihan buat ketemu tapi harus nekat, atau tetep bertahan disana tapi untuk waktu yang lama ga akan pernah ada waktu buat ketemu . hufft . sebenernya semua hal itu pasti punya pilihan, setiap orang berhak buat nentuin pilihan terbaiknya . dan yang gw tau sekarang, gw udah berhasil nemuin pilihan terbaik dalam hidup gw . yaitu belajar buat percaya dan sayang sama dia . . . gw sayang lo bodohh . . makasii ya buat semuanya . makasii udah ada buat gw . you're the best part of my life .